Frustrated Magician

Wherever I go, whatever I do,

I always end up at the back of a queue.

I queue for the circus, I queue at the till,

I queue at the doctors to tell him I’m ill.

I queue at the sweetshop, I queue for new shoes,

I queue for the dodgems and queue for the loos.

I queue at the football, I queue for my chips,

I queue for the coach when we go on school trips.

I queue up so often, I’m learning a trick

to get to the front of the line double-quick:

I itch and I scratch and start jumping around,

shout, ‘Goodness! You’ll never believe what I found!


I’m covered! They’re biting! ENORMOUS BLACK FLEAS!

Help me! Oh, help me! Won’t somebody, please?’

In under a minute, there’s nobody there…


And that’s how to make all your queues disappear!

(Published in The Caterpillar Magazine, 2014)

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